Seeking the Wandering

Often you hear of Christ the Good Shepard searching for His lost sheep. Usually this conjures up images of various Mormon paintings and the idea of a lost soul wandering in sin. The "black sheep" are also the "lost sheep." They don't know where they should be, and they really don't care. Tonight, as I was reading for my New Testament class, I read a story that changes that image for me.

In John chapter nine, the story is told of a man, "blind from birth" who is healed by the Savior. After he is healed, the man returns to his home and is seen by many who know him as the one who "sat and begged." The Pharisees claim that whoever healed him is a sinner because he healed on the Sabbath, but others argue that a sinner can't perform such miracles. The city is in an uproar. They go to the man's parents, demanding to know the full story. The parents decide to stay out of it. They affirm that the man is their son, and tell their friends "he is of age; ask him: he shall speak for himself." I immediately thought of a man about my age. Across cultures and ages, 21 has been the basic point for a man to come of age, give or take a few years. If he wasn't my age, this man was probably younger than me.

As the interrogation continues, he resolutely sticks to his faith in the man who healed him. When asked once more to explain how it happened, "He answered them, I have told you already, and ye did not hear: wherefore would ye hear it again?" When his testimony is bluntly rejected, he is cast out from the city.

Now comes the important part. Jesus often seems to wander around the Judean countryside with little purpose or direction. On His way, He meets people and performs miracles. But verse 35 says "Jesus heard that they had cast him out; and when He had found him, He said unto him, Dost thou believe on the Son of God?" He had heard that someone had been cast out for His sake, and He found him. That means He was searching. The Shepherd was seeking His lost sheep. But this sheep wasn't a sinner. This sheep was a faithful follower of Christ. He didn't know where he needed to be or what to do, but he was firm in the faith of what he did know.

Every faithful disciple of Jesus has days where they feel lost and alone. This world is scary and confusing. It is impossible for us in our mortal life to always know where we should go. But we can be sure that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is always looking for us. He will be there and seek us when we stumble. As we wander the hills of this world, trying to find Him, He is walking them too. He searches for us, calling our name. As we call back to Him, we will eventually come Home and dwell with Jesus and Our Father.

I know that God lives. I know that Christ is my redeemer. I know that He will continually seek us and not allow us to become lost so long as we are searching faithfully for Him. As we search prayerfully with faith, we will be aided in our journey home.

Off a Cliff into the Sky

Last week, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Either that or I had just jumped off a cliff and was falling rapidly to the ground. Life was out of control. I couldn’t go back. Where I was, no one would come. I didn’t want them to, it was too bad. Only Christ could come, and that was because He knew the way out. But I didn’t look to see. I just curled up into the fetal position and tried to ignore the situation.

And then my dear friend Heather ignored my grouchy demeanor. She could tell I would probably snap at her, but she didn’t really care. Or if she did, it didn’t faze her. The fact that people could still get to me where I was is probably what snapped me out of it. As the realization of where I was at, where I had come to, sunk in, I finally uncurled and looked around. The night was still dark. At 1 in the morning, all I knew was that Heavenly Father loved me enough to keep two worthy young men awake to come and give me a blessing in response to a single phone call. At 3 in the morning, all I knew was that I was lost. There was a path I was supposed to be on, and I couldn’t see it.

Thursday felt like a long, slow climb. I was trying to enjoy the last day a very important friend would be in town. I was trying to understand where I found myself. I wasn’t ahead in classes any more, and my head was almost constantly hurting. I told my supervisor that I didn’t feel well, and probably couldn’t come to work the next day. I also had a test Friday.

My friend who was leaving told me it was a wall, not a pit. He said I just had to find the way around it. I still haven’t, but I’ve found something better. It wasn’t a wall. I was right at first. I was either in a pit or falling off a cliff. For us earth-bound mortals, that is terrifying. But I’m not meant to be earth-bound. The fear carried on, and like any rational being, I wished I could fly. I stretched out wings I didn’t have two days ago, just to find that overnight, they had grown. Weak and new, I could barely glide. Even now, I’m just coasting, but each day makes them stronger. The ground is no longer hurtling toward me; the pit doesn’t seem so deep.

As I learn to fly, there will be harsh cross winds and bad weather. But there will also be amazing views and sweeping sensations. I no longer need to fear heights. I can reach as high as my wings can take me. Heavenly Father has let me fall as low as I was willing to let myself go, and now He has given me wings to return again and beyond. I will follow His instructions and make the most of my angel wings.

Joy in Suffering

A discussion on suffering can take many avenues. You can start with a question: Why do people suffer? Is suffering necessary? You can relate an experience, and focus on what was learned or what was lost. You can talk about reducing suffering or enduring suffering. There are so many perspectives because everyone suffers. But what is suffering? I particularly like the definition of suffering I found online. Suffering (verb without object): to endure… patiently or willingly.

Suffering is an underlying current that reaches every corner of life. At all times, there is a longing that cannot be satisfied, a dream that cannot be reached. Enduring that stream of sorrow and desire without letting it affect daily life constitutes true suffering. Every day of my life, no matter how satisfied I am with the current situation, I want more. Not in a greedy, self-centered way, but in a manner that reflects the plan of God’s whole creation and glory. Progression is the key point. I am progressing toward eternal life. I am working to progress to exaltation. Once I reach exaltation, I will receive of God’s glory and progress to greater glory and light.

I desire progression. Innately and divinely within every human soul is the dream of progression. Each day we live our lives, hoping to make it further, to make it higher. We strive to improve ourselves in any way we can. Why do we do this? It is how we suffer. We must endure this mortal probation. We willingly selected to come to earth, to gain a body that can sustain injury, to experience emotions that can feel deep hurt. Each day, as children of a Divine Father, we endure the aches and pains of mortality, willingly and patiently.

We suffer through this mortal existence, but that is not a depressing or hateful idea. Suffering intrinsically includes enduring. We need only strive to suffer with joy, and we will reach our goal. Each day, when the pain of being far from our eternal home resonates beneath our emotions, we search for ways to be happy, to be joyful, and to be productive. Working toward dreams is a fulfilling activity. When I am making personal progress toward a goal, I am more satisfied with my life and more joyful in my suffering.

As I continue on my journey forward and upward, I will continue to find joy. When I love even the most difficult circumstances, I will know that I have fully understood and accepted the idea of suffering and enduring. Life is hard, and life is long, but it is worth every moment.