Thursday, May 13, 2010

Stretching My Wings

I stand on the brink, the edge of something new. Life is changing again. I feel like I want to sprout wings and fly. No longer will I just quietly fill my role. I will define my role. I am growing, learning, changing. The opportunities I have today may never come again. What I choose to do with them will shape my life.

When else will I be this free? I have no family to look after, no career to support. I have a flexible, student job. Summer classes haven’t started yet. I have transportation around town, and just enough savings to go further once or twice. Life has barely begun for the woman I am becoming. Now is when I can decide what she will do.

I began to realize this a month or two ago. I can push the limits, challenge the boundaries that I have lived in all my life. Many are self-imposed rules, and these are the most flexible. But right now I have very few other rules. So I decided to push.

Several failed attempts ended in finally finding a ride to southern California and back. At the same time, my money ran out, my anticipated hours at work got cut in half, and my scholarship wasn’t for as much as I needed. So I bought a sixty dollar bus ticket for my trip. Then I hired out my services as an apartment cleaner in my complex for check-out week. Four days of scrubbing later, I was significantly better off monetarily. And I was still going on my random trip to California.

During my trip, I began to see more of what I was, and what I could be. I saw also what I would never be, the things I could never have. But that only increased my desire to become the best I could. Empowered, motivated, and inspired I began my journey home. Halfway home, I discovered some things that tried to crush my sense of power. A new fear crept into my heart.

Back at my apartment, my emotions couldn’t decide what to do. One moment I was on top of the world, the next I was almost shaking with confusion and sorrow. Details of the situation will make no difference. The simple description of my state is all that is needed to understand what happened next. I went to visit a friend upon whose wisdom I often rely. As I poured out my heart to her, a new realization of my role began to form.

My growth, my learning, my study, everything that had lifted me up to such a great height the week before, was still there. I am not perfect. Nowhere near it. But I am strong. As a young adult, I have become an individual. Individuals have power and freedom, but they also have responsibility. My responsibility is unexpected and unwanted. But I am ready for it. Without realizing, I was preparing during the last few months, and particularly this past week, for just this challenge.

Satan fights hard. He wants to bring us down. He will attack us in any way he can devise. He will come through our wishes and dreams to offer us what we want. He will come through our family to weaken our most fundamental stronghold. But we can stop him. I can hold him back. And I will. I will stand strong as a witness of Christ, and I will fight Satan. My Heavenly Father has given me power, and I will now use it to hold back the darkness that threatens those I care for. Every child of God here on earth has that power, if only they will accept the responsibility that comes with it. Take up your power, and take up your task. Press forward with faith and stand strong. Don’t let him win.
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